A mother has been blasted online for wanting to give her daughter’s bully an heirloom bridal veil for her wedding
Published to Reddit’s r/AmITheA**hole forum, a parent under the anonymous username u/Sad_Advantage8869 shared their story in hopes to receive many opinions from the “AITA” community. The viral post has over 10,000 upvotes and 2,000 comments.
The original poster (OP) began their story by explaining how their kids, “Caleb” and “Anna” were close until the conflict arose. They wrote about how Anna was bullied in high school by “Violet” and how it affected Anna’s self-esteem and social relationships. During her senior year, Violet slept with Anna’s boyfriend, which upset her deeply.
Caleb received a job offer from Violet’s father and his family urged him to accept it. Later on, he announced to his family that he was dating Violet and about two years later, they were engaged.
A woman wearing a veil walking down the aisle. The internet has slammed a mother for wanting her daughter’s bully to wear an heirloom bridal veil during her wedding.
ASphotowed/iStock / Getty Images Plus
“I am absolutely not happy about this and Caleb is aware,” the OP admitted, “Violet has apologized to Anna, and Anna is willing to be civil with her for things like holidays. Caleb is very defensive if the bullying is brought up, and says Violet experienced a great deal of trauma as a teenager, and we need to be forgiving.”
The OP began describing how the conflict began. Their grandmother had a vintage designer veil that they would allow their kids to use on their wedding day if they wanted to. Their wife—without discussing it with the OP first—gave the veil to Violet, who loved it. Violet was a big fan of vintage fashion and picked her dress to compliment it.
The OP wrote, “Anna recently expressed that it was hurtful to her. She didn’t want Violet to have a family heirloom, and it felt too much like erasing history. I immediately understood and told Caleb and Violet that she could not wear it. I said when I told Caleb he could use it, I obviously couldn’t anticipate the girl he was going to bring home. Violet gave it back to me, but Caleb blew up and uninvited me from the wedding.
“Now my wife is angry at Anna and I and says I need to give it back to Violet. She said Caleb has never truly seemed happy before (true) and that if I was a good dad I would at least like Violet for making him happy. She said I’m coddling Anna, favoring her over Caleb, and she threatened to steal the veil and sneak it to the wedding,” they concluded.
Newsweek reached out to u/Sad_Advantage8869 for comment.
Newsweek has published several articles about weddings and heirlooms including a father who sparked fury after planning to give his late wife’s heirloom to his adopted daughter, how a woman was backed online for selling an “heirloom” engagement ring to pay canceled wedding costs and how a father was praised for refusing to pay for his daughter’s wedding over a dress fight.
What is bullying and how to help your child if they are experiencing it
As defined by stopbullying.gov, bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school-aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. There are three types of bullying:
- Verbal bullying: teasing, name-calling, taunting and threatening harm
- Social bullying: leaving someone out on purpose, telling someone not to be friends with someone else and embarrassing someone in public
- Physical bullying: hitting, kicking, spitting, pushing or breaking someone’s property
What can you do to help your child if they are being bullied? According to noschoolviolence.org, gather evidence to confirm that your child is experiencing bullying. Don’t directly ask your child if they are being bullied, but tell them that you are there to help and not to judge. It’s also a good idea to reach out to your child’s teachers and administrators to let them know.
To help your child avoid bullying, practice different scenarios with them and how to handle a potential bully. To prevent cyberbullying, set up boundaries with technology, and tell your child not to respond to any message that sounds threatening. Put filters on your child’s technology products to avoid any harmful messages.
Redditor reactions
U/Additional_Bowl_1759 wrote, “[Not the a**hole]. Your wife sounds like not the most pleasant person, sorry. You’re not favouring Anna, you’re trying to protect her from having to relive her trauma every day. High school bullying has lasting impacts. Your son may be happy now, but he can’t expect other people to prioritize his happiness after he started dating someone who severely traumatized his sister. Please keep standing up for your daughter, I’m sure it means the world to her.
“As for the veil, it’s your family heirloom to do with as you wish, not your wife’s. I hope she reads the responses and sees how utterly childish she is. But I doubt she will change. Hopefully she doesn’t further traumatized Anna with her actions. Hide the veil,” the commenter continued, receiving the top comment of over 17,000 upvotes.
“[Not the a**hole]. First your wife shouldn’t be giving your heirlooms without much of a talk with you, regardless. Second, I totally understand. Considering your account of events, Anna is hurting a lot. Your wife however perhaps should be reminded that she is also Anna’s mother at the end of the day. As for Caleb, I wouldn’t date my siblings bully in a million years. Not even if they got [covered] in gold,” u/RandomlyDi exclaimed.
U/NeoStriker13 commented, “I’m going [not the a**hole]. It’s your family heirloom, not your wife’s. You can decide how it gets passed down. Also an apology doesn’t just fix everything. Bullies have to prove a lot before forgiveness, and honestly it makes sense why you did what you did. Your wife and Caleb are definitely the [a**holes]. Her for giving the heirloom without talking to you, and him for exploding at you. (He can be unhappy and express that nicely, but he didn’t).”
“[Not the a**hole]. Your wife chose your daughter’s bully over Anna and if she steals the veil, it is actually theft. You’re the one who has a right to give it or not. Your wife is so far out of line, I don’t know if you can prevent a rift from forming. Your son is the biggest disapppointment [in my opinion] though. The way he just unanimously forgave Violet’s bullying on behalf of Anna is nothing short of betrayal,” u/VixNeko exclaimed.
